Happiness

Whenever I see you,my heart will burst with happiness. Don't you notice me,M?

i have lots to tell but i am too lazy to write :)

but i have something to share.

one of the reason why we end up with a jerk..
..is because of our own clique/bestfriends. TRUE. 

why? because i overheard the conversation between a girl with her friend. her friend,lets say 'A' letting her heart out by telling her relationship problem with her boyfriend. and 'B' (her friend) nodding along as listen to A's story. but yes,here come the part where bestfriend will ruin our life forever (in case A is marrying her current boyfriend laa). 

Okay B now will giving A advices and her opinion over the problem. and i heard sentences like 'janganla macamni..nanti hubungan da tade menyesal pulak..' and like 'maybe dia tengah kacau kot,tunggula dia reda sikit..' andd 'ko kenela banyak sabar..mmg banyak dugaan..' and yg ta boleh tahanla ayat ni 'mungkin apa yg ko rasa betul,belum tentu betul..ta semestinya apa yg kita nampak tu yg sebenarnya terjadi..'. O'ohh like seriously mannn?! My eyes cheat on  me? 

And yela,A tu je la yg kene bebanyak-banyak-banyak sabar. A tu jugak yg kene tunggu si boyfriend tu reda and A tu jugak ta boleh mempercayai apa yg dia nampak. Like seriously,miss bestfriend,you are telling her that?? Jarang kita na dengar 'okay,ni just my 2 cents ja,maybe dia tengah kacau what so ever but dia ta boleh buat ko macamni. keputusan sekarang kat tangan ko,if ko pilih utk teruskan,ko kene bebanyak sabar. but if ko na go single,aku always ada utk ko..' Ha..sejuk sikit hati. So neutral and ta berat sebelah. 

So pengakhirannya si A tu continue with her boyfriend sebab si B tu da cakap camtu. Takut menyesal bila hubungan da tade katanya. If you ask me,seriously i will say you deserve better,A. menyesal tu tatahu la. but obviously you re the only one who playing your parts. seeking advices from here and there. kan? But katakanlah A ni berjodoh jugak dgn boyfriend dia,and something happen,katakanlah. And would B tu take all the blame? Ofcourse ta! So ikutla kata hati,kelak ta salahkan orang lain :)

if only I can turn back time,

I hope we wouldn't meet each other,

for you only brings me disaster,

an endless one.

like when Shrek decided not to be a father,

and wanted his life back as an Ogre,

that's me, who wants to make everything better,

exclude the selfish part of the Ogre.

I wont forget and always swear that I wont,

will always remember every bit you've done,

for me to learn,in love again and moving on,

then only forgiving begun.

Just now am watching '9 soalan' a program at TV9. The guest for today is Datuk Aziz Satar,who is telling the viewers about his moments with the late P.Ramlee. Its entertaining,it really is. Because Datuk himself is a man full of humour BUT honestly i think the host is ruining the program atmosphere. Imagine,Datuk is telling something funny but all the host can do is laughing fakely! I know its fake since Aiman and I are laughing so hard in front of TV and Datuk is laughing too while the host just made a short 'hihihi' sound with emotionless face expression. Dear host,at very least you might consider to fake it until you become it. 

Annoyed enough by the host reaction,then we change the channel to TV8 which have new program. I dont know what the program called,but its like a game show that played in the office where the contestants will get good money at the end. At least its a fresh idea and the most important thing the host; Chelsie Ng,Adam and another host did not faking anything and made us the viewers feel the fun watching them!

You know it shows on your face/in your attitude when you are not totally in love with your job/something you do. If you are doing your job because of good money,yes,you will get good money every months. BUT if you love your job,and you are doing it sincerely,recognition/name/respects + good offers and GOOD MONEY too will come after you. So,be wise.

perjalanan ini, walaupun payah, sukar dan kadang buat ily tersentak, ia tetap memberi erti. peluang mengenali, mengetahui siapa yg ikhlas, amat bermakna bagi ily, kerana semua ni takkan ily tahu tanpa melalui semua keperihan ni. hanya Allah dapat membalas budi pada siapa yang sentiasa di sisi. jujur, itu yang selalu ily titipkan dalam doa buat kalian. 

p/s: kak iqa,if you are happen to read this,you are also among the people that helps me a lot to go thru all the hard times before. thankyou so much kakak :')

.

 Is it possible to love again after loving someone so deeply?

* its a white colour of font sebab cinta itu pure/suci and putih. haha whatevs!

beberapa harini rasa macam i eat a lot. makan nasi. and then kuih lagi. ahh im terribly sorry to my body. and to the bad fats,i hate you,and i really mean it. but the hardest food to resist of all is dessert as i have a sweet tooth T.T *sweet tooth,ah alasan ily,alasan*

you know,opie always be the main booster for me to eat clean and start to exercise,but semakin lama i go thru all these diet things,i realized that to look good for myself is what i want for myself. not because of him,not anymore. its me,all about me. i wanna look good,feel excellent and comfortable with my own body.

they say,love yourself before you love other people. i guess thats true.

morning alls!
just want to say that i love kuih bom more than ever :p
seems right now my favourite foods' list have become longer.

ciao,
ily lovelyy

Dear oppa,
This morning supposely Ily qada' balik my sleep time but Ily came across oppa punya news pulak. To be honest I'm not your die-hard-fan tapi I love you especially your attitude. Ya oppa,you are the only man that can distract my attention from sufi -.-' Oppa,Saranghaeyo! Okay,sekarang better Ily qada' trdur balik before everyone bangun and start buat housechores hahaha.

Ikhlas,
oppa's fav girl. 
*cewah!

p/s: even so i love KJK and want so badly pergi airport apa semua tu just na tengok dia,but a wise friend of mine also a die-hard-fan of Kpop once said 'walaupun minat gila kat Kpop but I don't dare to risk my life and safeness among crowd of fans over something duniyah'. respect! sebab she said anything can happen;sesak nafas or all bad accidents. I understand her views on this. And despite all her reasons,she still have all their song and a Kpop addict. OBSESSION and PRIORITY :)

Moral? Ily OBSESSION oppa. But PRIORITY ialah tidur yang cukup. Get it? Good. ZzZz!

I know tomorrow you'll be sitting for one of you final exam paper.
You thought I forgot about that? No baby. 
Goodluck,do your best alright. 

You know,I always hope that you come across this blog.
So you know how I have felt for you all this time.
But when you ask for my blog link yesterday. I refuse.
Because,will it be any difference if you know that I still love you?

No. Right?

Alhamdulillah la kebelakangan ni rezeki niaga kecil-kecilan ni meriah la jugak. Syukur. Just tula,tengah fikir lagi macamana na merancakkan lagi niaga kecil-kecilan kami ni. Starts from nothing and now we sell almost everything. Dulu jual tudung plain. Sekarang Tribal pun ada. And bukan tudung je,blouse and skirt pun ada. Sikit-sikit. Mohon doa dari semua untuk perjalanan niaga kecil-kecilan kami ni menjadi mudah atau dipermudahkanNya. Terima kasih.

p/s: Dan moga kami masih lagi menjual dengan harga yg sewajarnya. InshaaAllah TheLovette antara termurah,kami pasti.

Oh by the way semalam I dont have my dinner.
Bayangkan dari pukul bape petang tu ta makan.
Over joy la kiranya semalam. Kenyang terus.
Asal sufi ada,hati ily pun puas,perut pun terisi.

p/s: sampai saat ni pun still ta lapor actually haha. gila. i know.

Bangun pagi.
Check phone.
And as expected,there is NO you.

Ily faham.
So I delete our message semalam.
And said to myself 'Ily,semalam tu hanya mimpi'.

Macamtu sekali.
Macamtu sekali I treat myself.
Macamtu sekali harapan ily pada sufi.

'Cinta,jangan datang lagi ya kalau cuma untuk sementara'
Okay,statement tu tipu.

I thought I already had enough of him.
But here I am,still replying all his texts.
And there he is,still not realizing me and my heart.
Or maybe he pretend not to see. Maybe.
And right now my heart is about to break again.
And tears are just waiting their turn to fall.
Ahh love,my love. Im here,loving you like always.

2 posts in a day,you know why right?

p/s: this heart still skip a beat,still. 

u know,today sufi text me.

of course ily suka. 

tapi tadela gembira berbunga-bunga.

biasa je.

sah-sah dia datang untuk menyapa je.

mengapa na overjoy kan ily kan?

lepas ni mesti dia hilang balik.

percayalah.

p/s: dia minta link blog. but memang ta la kan na bagi. nanti apa dia fikir?

Dulu ily mesti stalk twitter sufi. Mesti punyalah,but sekarang aktiviti tu dikurangkan or should I say dah ta stalk dia dah. Dont know why. Hilang interest kah ily kepada muhamad sufi ak sani? Only Allah knows. Diri ni separuh meroyan dulu. Air mata pun akan masih mengalir kalau korang tanya pasal sufi pada ily sekarang. Keluarga,teman,korang tahu macamana keadaan ily dulu. Tapi,I guess Allah mula mengabulkan doa ily satu persatu. Syukur.

I am Ily. Everywhere I go,my friends know how I will behave; extremely friendly - even to the strangers. So the main story here is..I always go to Telco & Post shop to ship out the customers' parcels. And here I met a girl (part-time staff there),just finished her SPM and like usual I definitely the one who initiate the conversation between us. So our topic of conversation mainly about 'where are you hoping to further your study?' 'what course do you like?' 'do you love English?' --yeah all the questions stated are of course from me  hahaha. As she is more to an answering type of person rather than questioning kan.

And when I asked somebody whether him/her love English or not definitely English Communication Course from KPM in my mind! WHY? Because its kinda a free diploma. And it have MQA some more. Allowancesss lagi. Opportunities after finishing your diploma lagiiii. And so much more! Thats why,I always promote KPM to whoever I meet. Now MARA can hire me as their ambassador hahaha. Sebab I feel its such a waste if a good chance like this fly away. You know what I mean? Do you feel me? If you do,good hahaha.

So talking back about the girl I met tu,everytime I saw her mesti I will ask her 'dik,dah daftar belum for KPM?' she will replied 'Belum ehek ehek' sambil gelak seakan terpaksa. But sokayla,I understand. KPM still not as popular as KPTM or other college that starts with 'K' or whatsover words. So people worried la na masuk KPM,but sokay,I've tried my best to lure her to one of the best education path. 

So recently, I went again to the shop and met her again. And this time I asked whether or not she got IPTA but unfortunately she is not. And Im so suprise with that,since her SPM result is good. I mean really gooood. She dont have C in her SPM result,unlike me hahaha. But see,makin ramai pelajar yang pandai,peluang pun banyak but the competition tu. So high. And this girl said she will start her diploma in KPTM. So Alhamdulillah la. 

Kesimpulannya apa? I always being nosy. And knowing me,you know I always jaga tepi kain korang only for good stuffs je kan. Sebab I dont know la why. Maybe I sayang kot semua orang. Even strangers.

p/s: Lots of 'so' in this post. Kesian cikgu ajar banyak kata penyambung but 'so' always close to my mind.
p/ss: KPM daebak,KPTM pun daebak,janji kita usaha. FAHAM?

I dont lie. But ada sekali tu la Im lying to the strangers but bila difikirkan Im not actually lied to her. She created the lies herself (hurm boleh lak camtu? hahaha)

Situation in the bus
A: Kak,akak na gi kuantan area mana?
B: Akak keje. Suami keje jauh. Tu yang naik bus tu.
A: Ta tanya pun pasai suami *dalam hati okay*
B: Adik na kemana?
A: Saya na balik kolej.
B: Oh belajar lagi.
A: Yela,takkan lecturer pulak *dalam hati lagi*
B: Belajar kat mana?
A: KPM kak.
B: Oh matriks.
A: *senyum je*  
B: Lagi berapa tahun?
A: Setahun setengah kak.
B: Ha yela,matriks ni kan paling lama pun dua tahun camtu je kan.
A: *senyum senyum dan senyum*

See,I dont lie guys hahaha. Im just too tired sampai na borak pun ta berminat. Evenla borak tu hobi -.-' And somehow I feel sorry sebab dia ingat ily ni matriks student but at the same time I feel sorry to myself jugak sebab kene borak dengan akak ni all the way to Kuantan. I did gave clues A LOT to her yang I dont have mood to talk and all. But dia..ta perasan -.-' 

I am not a liar but if by lying can protect my family and friends' heart,

I will. Undoubtedly.

Love is not about bila kita rasa gembira je. 'love could hurt so much..oh so much..' kata lagu kat radio ni. So love juga could hurt so much. Out of love equal to sakit. Sebab ia nya sesuatu yang menyakitkan,ily tana orang yang ily sayang rasa macam ni. Tipulah if I dont wish karma hits sufi balik,kalau boleh biar karma buat sufi berganda ganda. But lagi lagi lah tipu if I want to see him suffer the way I am sekarang. (sebab ia memang sakit,syg) So I found it in my heart to forgive him but yelaa its hard to forget kan? But tape,take one step at a time,ily.

p/s: may Allah always protect your heart from frustration and heartache,syg. Amin.
p/ss:  lagu kat radio ni memang selalu senada je dengan mood kita kan? macam tahu tahu je -.-'

'Goodbyes are only for those who love with their eyes. Because for those who love with heart and soul there is no such thing as separation' -Rumi

Obviously true. Thats why I cant get over you easily. Mostly sebab I love you not with my eyes,ofcourse. Its not that you are not handsome (for me you are already what I need syg,really) but I love you because I love you. Wholeheartedly,and definitely I love you with all my soul (you know that). But now this quote makes me wonder,if you can say goodbye to me,then,all these time..you are not loving me with all your heart and soul,or what? 

sincerely,
the silly me-that thought you are sincere loving me-when you are not.

assalammualaikum semua,
even yela siapa je baca ni,maybe tade pun yang baca but 'salam' tu wajib hihihi. so apa kabar semua? (again,rasa macam sesia tanya but still na tanya jugak even tade respond hihihi) 

so again why im here? basically because i feel today i need a space untuk bebel (boleh ta alasan ni?) you know,life since sufi tade is not easy. da tade sape da na dengar kita bebel. even yes,dulu dia dengar pun sebab tpaksa but yela,still ada orang yg tadah telinga jugakkan? 

so far my life is good,Alhamdulillah. yela,walaupun not that good,sebab losing someone you love is not somethg good you see. but again Alhamdulillah Im still breathing. despite of all nonsense plans dulu like terjun jambatan pulau penang (mati kalau dilah tbaca post ni hahaha) 'sorry dilah,tu masa memula ja time frust,la ni takdaq dah' *smile bitterly*. 

but yela,sapa ta rasa rasa camtu? i never imagine my life without sufi. never ever. so when he walks away without diri ini merelakan,diri ini harus redha. wajib redha,exactly. so now you guys mesti tahu why im here kan? yes i need space. to let it all out; my sad feeling and yes,how i miss sufi actually. ini bodoh,i know. rindu pada yang da tade. but,i guess im not good in saying goodbye.

p/s: im sorry post ni sounds _____
p/ss: i miss you

dreamt of you,
wake up with tears falling down my cheeks,
but its normal baby,so normal for me,
and you know why its happening,
its you,all because of you.

i miss you.

Random

I don't know what am I doing right now,
after have been awhile 'abandoning' this blog,
I come here again, but without you.

Maybe I need a space,
To let all the sadness inside my heart out,
Because I can take no more,

This sadness is too hard to handle,
And even I smile,
I die a little inside.